sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
