Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
