i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
