i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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