it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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