It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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