i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
