soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
