im about as happy as oj after his trial
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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