he thought i was a dude.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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