I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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