doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
