Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
