I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
