i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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