so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
