coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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