Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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