Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
