i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
