do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
