what day is it and did you see me today?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
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