did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
