Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
