so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
