No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
