This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is my gift to your gina
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
