Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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