I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
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It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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