My friends, they love my intelligence
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
