These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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