You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
