I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
