i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
