I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
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