I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Barsexuality is the new black.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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