I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
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No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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