Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
