Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
