i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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