You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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