this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
