Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize