So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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