And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I just gargled with NyQuil
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Randomize
