And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
