It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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