no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
