I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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