I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
