I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
