So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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