Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
