i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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