wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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