At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
