I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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