this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
