i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
