im drinking this country out of the recession.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
The struggles of a small town man whore
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
