life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
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