It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
