Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
When are your genitals available?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
