i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
