I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
