is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
