The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
