This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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