genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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