fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
