just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
