My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The power of my boobs compel you
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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