Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
