he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
