it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize