How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
