Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
last night I used snow as a chaser
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
