You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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